Idea #2062

Are some of you aware of the existence of a game called "Team Fortress 2"? Good. So, if you are more familiar with the characters within, you probably already know that they are an interesting bunch. But unless you are as into researching these things as I am you probably don't know much about the backstory that's in the game. Yes, the game HAS a story. Let me inform you of said story.

Basically the story goes somewhat like this: Long ago there was a very wealthy man named [something or other I don’t remember the first name] Mann. He died. In his will he left stuff to several people. First, he left his company Mann Co. to a guy named Saxton Hale. It was either him or his ancestor. I forget if he had an ancestor because I didn’t exactly remember all the specifics, I just remembered the basic storyline. Bear with me. The Hale family took charge of Mann Co. who is the fictional company that arms all the players in the game. He left something to his secretary, who went on to give birth to the ominous announcer lady in the game. And finally, to his two sons (I think they are his sons), whose names are BLUtarch Mann and REDmond Mann, he left them a vast amount of properties. His explanation for this is, “You two have fought with each other your whole lives over nothing. I’m giving you something of consequence to fight over for once.” Not a bad plan. So Redmond and Blutarch create two teams of mercenaries to go fight each other for them. At present day, Redmond and Blutarch are a billion years old and are kept alive through super advanced life support systems. Each of them waiting for the other to die.

So that’s the gist of the story. The characters you play don’t really have any idea that this is going on. They just get paid to fight. Now we come to my idea. What if they made a Team Fortress 2 movie? Absurd right? Once again, bear with me here. In a perfect world it’d go like this: A CG movie with all the original character models (probably made to look a little better for HD but still the same style) and all the original voice actors. The story would basically be about the Mercs finding out about the story behind the scenes. There would be only one of each character in the movie. This would translate to a team of four for each. “But Tyler! There are NINE characters” Yeah. I know. Guess who would be prefect to play the “Whose team are you on?” kind of character? Gentlemen… The Spy, know?

Here’s where I have a brief burst of blazing brilliance. There would be two movies. I’m not talking a crappy sequel: There would be two versions of the same movie. One version of it from RED team’s perspective and the other from BLU team. Each movie would be different up until the point when both teams figure it out and then meet. At that point, the two movies merge into the same storyline. So both movies end the same way. The tag line could be something like: “Pick a Team” “Whose side are you on?” And I’m sure somewhere in there we can squeeze a team Jacob/Edward joke. “I don’t want you sissy maggots to treat this decision like a JOKE! This is much more important that picking which sparkling vampire you like over which shirtless werewolf! You make me sick. And if you read this in MY voice, the Soldier, Welcome aboard.”

Yeah, that’d be awesome. It’s a thought. If you see it as a viable idea, go ahead and tell Valve for me.